Life's Lessons

Do you ever have those days as a mom where you crawl into bed and think, "hmmm...just maybe I could have spent more time w/ my son/daughter or maybe I could have handled that situation earlier a bit different or maybe I should have not worried so much about cleaning the house and focused more on the children" all those "if's and maybe's" that tend to haunt us as mothers. Wanting to be the best mother possible, but then secretly wondering if you are doing all you can do, reading enough each night to your child, spending "quality" time together enough, teaching them more things, tucking them in bed every night...the list could go on. Then on the flipside there are nights I crawl into bed and think "wow, we had a great day!" I spent lots of time w/ the kids, we played, laughed, learned a few things, etc....those are the moments that my heart fills w/ joy and I think "I can and am doing this...I am a mom." Well, today was one of those days that as I put the boys down and thought...we had a great night together....it started like this:
Work was difficult today, my phone was ringing constantly w. phone calls for assistance w/ nursing home placements for family members that cannot care for their loved one anymore, nursing home transfers, arranging transportation to medical appts, discussing claim/financial benefits, etc....then I get a call that a patient would like to see me, he is new to Phx, impulsively jumped on a plane from another state to AZ w. little funds, poor judgement/insight, homelss, etc....So as I work w/ this patient I am able to assist in many ways providing assistance w/ shelter, bus tickets and even a phone card, (patient denied all other services including medical and/or mental health assistance) but this patient remains unhappy, feeling entitled to more than I am able to offer/provide, demanding to speak to a supervisor, becoming verbally loud and aggressive, needing multiple redirections to calm himself and refocus on the topics and the ways in which I am able to assist him. Although there was other underlying mental health issues, this patient was adimantly unappreciative of the effort I was providing to assist him in overcoming his unfortunate situation, but one that he chose for himself but refuses to take responsibility for. Upon the patient leaving I closed my door and felt a feeling of sadness...the only word that came to my mind was "Appreciation" I did not feel appreciated despite the multiple efforts I had made to assist this patient (most likely this patient was not ready for the help he really needed). It made me think about all the families and patients that have reached out to me over the years to say "thank you" and what that meant to me as a social worker, to feel that I made a difference, that I was appreciated...these comments are what makes me wake up in the morning and think, "this is why I am a social worker" but today was a much different day. I did not walk away feeling appreciated although I realize I did my best....so....I shared some of these feelings upon going home w/ my boys and we sat and had a long conversation about "appreciation" and what it means to appreciate and be appreciated. The boys were extremely engaged and as a mom is was an amazing feeling to watch my children learn these important life lessons, to learn compassion for others, to appreciate even the small things that often go unnoticed. Chandler gave an example of how he helps another boy in school a lot and this boy never thanks him and how his lack of appreciation saddens him. We talked about the many good people in our lives and the few not so good that we can only hope to be role models for in hopes that one day those people can learn to model some of these positive behaviors. Chandler said he was sorry that I had such a rough day and that my patient was not appreciative and said that he hoped I would have a better day tomorrow and hopes that my patients appreciate me tomorrow. It was so very sweet. I think I am on the right track....my boys are loving and compassionate, empathetic boys that I have no doubt will grow into wonderful young men and as a mom....I am PROUD of that ;)