A Stroke of Bad Luck?

There is always an end to good fortune...or is there? Well, after winning my closet design from Classy Closets I won a drawing at work winning a tote/freezer bag...wow, I thought...how can this be? Me? Winning again?? Do I dare question my fortune? But it did make me think what is going on? I do not win most things. I have entered many contests and do I ever hear back?? NO! So, without hesitation I gathered my prizes and of course felt blessed for them as I was chosen...somehow, someway I had won!

SUDDENLY...My fortune came to a complete halt!!!

Sunday I am grocery shopping w/ my six y/o son Codey, feeling like I am making good timing, gethering my neccesary items, checking off my list, stashing my coupons when suddenly without notice while in the cereal isle Codey steps in front of me at the EXACT same time I step down catching my big toe nail (yes, it sounds gross) on the tread of the bottom of his shoe tearing my toenail right off...right there in the grocery store, blood flooding from my toe as I anxiously dig rapidly through my purse in desperation to find the one band-aid I had located earlier in my purse that morning (almost throwing it out!) and then there it was!!! I ripped it open and right there started diligently wrapping my toe making every effort to keep the blood contained...oh it was SO painful...my poor Codey felt so bad saying, "I am sorry mom, I didn't mean to mom." SO...off to the urgent care I went to wait two hours and find out all I am able to do it soak it nightly in Epsom Salt, keep it wrapped and wait for a new toe nail to grow back in 6 MONTHS!! Ok...for anyone who knows me this is a serious crisis for me as I am all about open toed shoes, sandals, flip flops, anything that allows my feet to breathe...I even wear open toed shoes in the winter! Well, AZ winter that is ;)

SO....just when I thought my stroke of bad luck was out of the way I was presented w/ another today...I must say it is quite funny. I find myself laughing just thinking about it, but at the time it was really not a laughing matter. So here's my story of the day:
To prep you for the story I must tell you a few small details...I have two chairs in my office that are not well made, they flip very easily if you shift more weight to the front than back of the chair. I know this as I have had several social work students rotate in my area and they themselves have fallen out of them. While thankfully they were not hurt I eagerly ran to their aid, once I was provided the signal they were fine I placed the chairs in their upright positions while pushing a few bars that often come loose back together...now yes it probably would have been wise of me to replace these chairs long ago, but it's not an easy task at the VA, chairs are a rare commodity so without hesitation and making an issue of it remained content w/ the two that I had UNTIL TODAY!!!! So, my good friend Judi knocked on my door for lunch (we often eat in my office) and in an effort to pack a healthier lunch today I chose tomato soup (the large metal microwaveable bowls) over my "usual" Lean Cuisine pizzas. While looking forward to my hot bowl of soup I very ever so carefully was in the process of peeling off the metal top (not an easy task!) and just as it was about to release I find myself airborn! My soup, chair and all crashing down on my butt w/ tomato soup landing literally on top of me...I was sitting on my office floor COVERED in tomato soup...it was on my walls, up the desk drawers, in my hair, on my face, up my arms (had to dig it out from the grooves of my watch and ring!), all over my floor, my clothes (thank goodness I was wearing dark colors!!!) EVERYWHERE...even on some social work boards that the social work committee had planned to display in the hospital! What do you do in a moment like this??? Cry? Laugh? My shoes had even flown off! So, I look up at my dear friend Judi whom was just in complete shock...no longer eating her fish just staring at me asking me if I was ok. Awww...what a friend...checking to make sure I was fine before belly over laughing at me! I smelled like tomato soup the rest of the day..it was gross. Reminded me of when I had to be initiated as a cheerleader in HS and had to walk around all day w/ cracked eggs on my head, in my hair...Ugh! I thought I was going to lose it....ok...back on topic. So, Judi scurried off making several trips to the nearby ladies restroom to bring me a pile of papertowels. I spent my lunch hour w/ a washrag and bottle of water rapidly scrubbing my clothes, but it was a never ending battle as I was COVERED in soup!!!! So, I have taken action and have placed my request for new chairs. Chairs that should have been replaced long ago.....So, this will be one of those days that I will often refer back to when I think I am having a "bad day" b/c I think this tops them all!

So, what's next? Where does my fate sit now? What will tommorrow bring??? Do I dare ask?

Keeping Busy...

I am trying to keep my mind busy...well, it's really not too hard w/ two boys, a husband and a FT job! I am counting down the days though until I can begin preparing my body for the egg retrieval (ER). Hubby is having a TESA procedure so until we get a date set for that I will have to wait on my end of things. If all goes as planned, I am hopeful that we will have the egg transfer (ET) in May which means if this works I could be pregnant w/ a daughter by May! Hard to believe but yet exciting! I really hope (although not common) that this happens the first time b/c I am not too sure how many more times hubby is willing to try. As I stated before we were set on adoption and then changed our plans to try PGD/IVF, but if this does not work I would still like to pursue adoption although hubby tells me that adoption would not be an option if this doesn't work b/c of the finances. I feel like I have so much on the line w/ this now...he is in agreement though to foster adopt if this doesn't work which I think would be wonderful too, but I do pray that the IVF/PGD works for us...only time will tell.

So Chandler started baseball today and he had his first game. His team is all fairly new to baseball w/ the exception of a few..this is good since this is Chandler's first year too (well minus the one year he played when he was three, but does that really count???) He really enjoyed it and I really enjoyed watching him. Hubby has been trying to get Chandler into baseball for some time now since he enjoys playing, but we had him in karate instead. He did karate for years which I really think helped to bring him out of his "shyness" shell and grow, but it was time to try a new sport and hubby is very excited and interested in coaching possibly in the future. Anyway, we were very proud of him (see pic above)

For Codey, he is doing wonderful in soccer, his team won last week 2-1 and he scored both the goals! He is learning to become a bit more aggressive and learing to control the ball much better.

For me, well work is work...a very busy week and glad to have one more day off!

My closet...It's Done!

I am thrilled with my new closet...well the extra bedroom closet and hopefully someday our daughter's closet. Ok...before you say anything about all the clothes already I must confess that yes I did purchase some of those (I can't resist!) but also my cousin's wife Jamie graciously sent me a box full of clothes from her daughter. I love looking through all the adorable outfits and pray that just one of these days I can put them all to use ;)

I promised Jana I would take a "before" and "after" picture of it (just for you Jana!!)...see below for the "before" shots. Wow, I have so much more space and room now. Thank you again Breanne for having this drawing and all your assistance in helping to sketch out the drawing. I am so appreciative of your efforts and so happy that I won!

Oh yes and the closet

Remember I won a closet design from Classy Closets???? Well I have "before" pics...I am going to keep you in suspense for the "after" pics since I have not painted it yet. It provides a lot more space though! Thank you again Breanne and of course to my old time BFF Jana for filling me in on the drawing!!!!

A Different Kind of Journey...

Well, my head is spinning, rapid thoughts running...how can we go from our set thoughts of adoption to now starting the IVF/PGD process (hopefully) towards our daughter. For so many years we considered adoption...I truly felt it was my calling (still do), but after weighing both the positives and negatives to both situations we opted to try IVF mostly for the simple fact that we could "budget" the cost. So...WE STARTED..full force and my emotions are up and down...are we doing the right thing? Did we find the right doctor? The right facility? Can this REALLY be done? What if this doesn't work??? THERE IS NO GUARANTEE! My dear sweet husband reminds me that babies do not like to be made in stressed out environments so I MUST find a way to control these emotions, to be opptomisitic (which is out of my charactaristic not to be) so I am putting my full faith and belief into taking this next step/chapter of our life. We met w/ the fertility clinic on 3/13, I had my blood work on 3/16 and am starting the BC pills today. I am nervous but yet EXCITED and pray that this brings us to our daughter, hopefully the first time around although I hear there is absolutely no rhyme or reason to understanding why some get pregnant the first time of trying and others it takes much longer and for some it unfortunately never happens. I am extremely grateful that my husband has agreed to do this w/ me and support me (he is an IMPORTANT piece to making this happen...Lol!) The fertility doctor made it sound easy as long as hubby and I come to the table w/ the right resources to make it happen ;) We have had many discussions about how many embryos to transfer, one or two. It is a tough decision, but I think we want to make the most out of the opportunity we are provided considering the financial investment. I guess we will make that decision once the ET (embryo transfer) day gets closer...I hope that between hubby and I we will have some good numbers of healthy female embryos!

On another note, the boys are doing great. Codey is in soccer still and loving it. Chandler has been in karate for years and is deciding he may like to try baseball/softball. I am so glad they both enjoy sports and stay active. Codey loves school and kindergarten...still my little artist and Chandler is doing well in second grade...making lots of friends...a true social butterfly! Funny thought...the other day I was trying on clothes and asked Chandler which top he liked better. He said both but only wanted me to buy one so we would have more money to put towards his little sister!!! They of course do not know at this point we have changed directions...it was still very cute though. Hope to be able to announce positive news to them in the next month or two!!!!!

Correction to previous posting:

Research shows approx a 50% success rate of IVF w/ some fertility clinics even reporting a 60% success rate.

Mixture of Emotions...Journey of thoughts about a daughter

I told myself I would be much better with keeping up w/ posts when I decided to take of this new adventure of blogging, but lately I have taken a step back to think about our future plans so my apologies...the plans/thoughts I am referring to are the ones that I have been thinking about for the past 3-4 yrs! Just like my blog reads, how can I add some PINK into our lives??? A daughter that would utimately fill this void in my heart and complete our family? Some may not understand why I feel this way, I guess it has more to do w/ balancing my family out and of course having "that" special bond w/ a daughter that I have w/ my mother (although this is never a guarantee). I want to start by saying that my life is so full and so blessed in so many ways, I have a wonderful husband whom is amazing w/ the boys, two beautiful healthy boys that I love to pieces and a fairly stable life (i.e. good job, nice home, etc...the basic needs of life met which is somthing I will never take for granted especially in todays economy) SO am I unhappy? No, I feel my life in enriched, what is not to love? Do I feel I am missing a piece of something in my life? Yes...and that would be a little girl to put bows in her hair, watch princess movies with, take to get pedicures...all those fun little girly things that girls do! Although difficult to imagine I can still live my happy life if we are not blessed w/ our girl, but it does bring some amount of sadness to think about. So....here we stand...my husband and I. We both agree that adding a daughter to our family would be a blessing and up until recently we thought very strongly about adopting a daughter. I have always felt adoption would be such a miracle and a perfect way to our daughter...I still do, but w/ the present economy and our financial situation we are exploring other options. This saddens me some as my heart was set on adoption, but realistically we would have to have a large amount of money up front which is difficult for us right now so we have just recently within the past few wks begun to think about PGD (gender selection) and IVF. I realize this is an ethical issue for some, I read articles and watch television shows on how gender selection is unethical and some fertility clinics refuse to perform the procedure for purposes of gender selection only. PGD (preimplantation genetic diagnosis) was first established to identify embryos that are at risk (i.e. carry the possible gene of down symdrome and other genetic diseases) but later became a method to determine gender. Through PGD we would have a 99.9% chance of having a daughter (leaving room only for human error). Through much discussion and identifying the postive and negatives to both adoption and IV we have chosen to give this a try. Although IVF is not cheap we have more flexibility when it comes to funding this procedure. I must confess I am a little nervous about the procedure, being pregnant again especially since I have very complicated pregnancies w/ both the boys and in the back of my mind I can't help but to think that there is never a gurantee that this will work for us. I think of it a little bit like rolling the dice...it is a CHANCE. I have done a lot of research on this procedure and w/ IVF alone it appears I would have about a 50% success rate. Some agencies go on to say they gurantee a 50% success rate. My head feels full w/ so many thoughts, mix of emotions, but we have decided to give this a try. At this time, we feel this is what is right for us and I pray that it is the first step towards our long desired baby girl! So, we have an appt next week w/ the fertility clinic...I do not know what to expect, but I have a list of questions. So I hope to feel more informed after our appt. By the way, I respect all views on this topic, but personally feel that gender selection is a way to balance families and through this procedure I hope to one day say my family is FINALLY balanced ;)