Catching up...

Right now I am feeling at peace, it's quiet, neighbors dogs even stopped barking, boys are sound asleep in their beds and hubby is on the computer. It's quiet...I can hear myself think, take a moment to myself to reflect on my week. Work was very busy this past week, most of my calls to the ER were helping homeless veterans. On Friday though I received a call to assist an elderly gentleman whom has small cell cancer in his left lung, non operatable. These cases sadden me, his wife standing by his side looking for some support. These are the times I wish I had a magic wand and could change it all, cure, make things better, but I cannot so I offer all that I can, my support and sympathy. I discuss hospice which I believe to me an amazing service and both the veteran and his wife feel this is a good option for him. I offer support groups, but he says that he would just rather go home to watch a good Western on TV. I look at his wife's saddened eyes, she is reaching for help, for support so I provide her some resources hoping that she takes advantage of them, I encourage her to take care of herself and to make sure she utilizes her support systems during this very difficult time of her life. How else do you help a woman that is about to lose her husband of 50+ yrs? I cannot imagine her pain...what it must be like to lose your best friend and companion after so many years. These are the hard days of my life, but I must remind myself that there is no better place to be then beside them helping them along this difficult path, offering support, even just a presence and unspoken words can make a difference, this I know....

My mother was just telling me about a book she is reading called, "The Shack." My aunt stated it changed her life, helped her to fully see one's purpose for life, as we all have our selfish needs by nature, we must not forget our purpose which I believe is to make this life a little better, helping to better the lives of those around us. As emotionally draining my job can be at times, I know in my heart that I am helping and that gives me the strength to continue this type of work. At dinnertime my family takes turns and goes around the table stating the best and worst parts of our days and one thing we appreciate. This is a family tradition we started several yrs ago, this is our time to share our days as a family. I love hearing about the boys and hubby's day, but it means so much to me to hear the boys talk about the things they appreciate, even just the smallest things in their days. I often hear "Mommy's good dinner" "My family" "My health" "Our home and food on the table" and because I share my stories (children's version) w/ the boys about what mommy does, helps lots of people to find homes and jobs the boys state they are appreciative that we do not live in a shelter. I hope to instill in them appreciation, to never take a moment, not a day for granted and feel blessed for the gifts in their life. Last year we did the Christmas Angel for the first time and the boys loved it, helping to make another child's Christmas better. I truly believe it is these experiences that will help to shape my boys into responsible and caring men someday ;)

So...I had a dream last night that someone handed me an envelope full of money, this person handed many people envelopes w/ money b/c they felt it was the right thing to do to help others especially in this economy...I know it sounds strange, but I was ecstatic and the first thing that came to my mind in my dream was adoption, that yes, no more financial worries, we could finally begin the process towards our sweet baby girl!! I know this will happen, we talk about it, feels like "she's" already a part of our family b/c we make comments about her, the boys playing w/ her, holding her....my mom even said last night she had a dream with a little girl in it that looked up at her and called her grandma! She had shoulder length dark curly hair. Is this a sign? Will our little girl arrive this year? Most of all will we finally begin the process in March/April??? My heart aches b/c I know there will be a little girl that will be perfect for us, for our family. She will add more laughter and love to this family and will complete us all!!!!