Day One...IVF Update

First of all my apologies for getting so behind on my blog. Life gets busy and it is just hard to keep up sometimes. Update on the IVF process: Hubby completed the TESA procedure and all went well, we have four frozen vials of sperm to work with which should be enough for one IVF cycle. (I HOPE!!!) The clinic unfroze one of the tubes to make sure sperm was present and there was which was great news, but there is no way of knowing whether sperm is present in the other four vials b/c if we unfroze them we would lose them. We can only assume that since there was in one than there will be in the remainder frozen four vials so I trying to stay optomistic. So...now the rest of this is up to me, how my body will respond the the medications, how many eggs my body produces, the quality of the eggs etc...I am trying to take it all one day/step at a time so it does not become overwhelming. I have heard that eating a high protein, low carb diet will help to improve the quality of eggs so I am going to give it a try. I am saying that today is day one b/c I am starting the first step today...BC Pills. Hubby and I are meeting up again w/ the IVF Coord this Friday to sign consent forms and have any questions we may have answered. I need to make a list b/c I keep thinking of more to ask. I am not sure how long I need to be on each of the different medications yet, but I know for sure that the egg retrieval and transfer will take place in July so if all works I should expect to be pregnant in July. Hubby seems to think it should work since I have two bio sons that did not take a lot of work, but I hear many stories of women who were able to conceive their children easily and then when it came to IVF they had difficulties...and vice versa. So, what gives? I just think it is such an individualized experience. Our bodies react so differently given different situations...all I can do on my end is remain hopeful, try and keep myself from becoming too stressed/self care and THINK POSITIVE! I believe the mind is powerful and can make a difference in a successful or unsuccessful cycle. Finally, I have faith that if we are meant to have our little girl this way then it will happen...if it does not...although I know extremely heartbreaking...our little girl will find her way to us another way.....

I asked another mom whom did IVF/PGD for her daughter, ended up w/ triplet girls of any advice she may have for me...well, along w. some feedback on the right vitamins, the right foods, she stated, "I prayed like I never prayed before." I believe there is a lot in that.....

Off to the FIRST GRADE!!

The Kindergarten class

Codey and his teacher Mrs. Impson

Receiving his diploma!

My Codey graduated kindergarten today!!!! We are so very proud of him. They sang lots of really cute songs, showed a video of their school year and then we had cake and took lots of pictures! Where does the time go???? I keep saying before I know it he will be graduating college!!!!!

Picasso???

Chandler and his portfolio (see brother Codey in the back wreaking havoc!)

One of my personal favorites~

I couldn't draw this!

Chandler's famous works of art~

Chandler brought home all his artwork from his second grade art class. I must say...I was quite impressed! I am pleased that the schools encourage art and creativity. I believe art is so therapeutic and allows both adults and children to express themselves in ways they may not have been able to do otherwise. For me, well I am not an artist by any means, I lack creativity especially when it comes to decorating my home. I just don't have the knack for picking the right colored walls, the right furniture...I tend to feel everything needs to match and then I end up w/ the same color all over my house and it becomes a bit overwhelming. I have dreamt of hiring an interior decorator to just walk through my home and "fix it" as neccesary, but could certainly never afford the expense! My mother on the other hand is creative, she majored in Art in college and can sit down a draw amazing sketches in just a matter of minutes. She loved to paint when we were young...so I certainly did not obtain that creativity gene from her :) So any creativity from my children can only be contributed to those traits that they obtained from grandma!!

WILD BOYS!!!

My boys LOVE to wrestle...whether it be on the floor, on the sofa, in their room, in our room, on the stairs everywhere I look they are taking off their shirts to wrestle eachother! Should I expect anything different from two boys?????

It's Mommy's Day!

Chan and I before my mommy's day dinner

Codey and I on Mother's Day before our special dinner together

And...Codey knows his mommy so well...yes I do wear lots of SHORT PANTS...Capris!! Lol!

Codey's book he made me...I love his artwork! That's me sitting on the end of his bed ;)

Codey made this....so cute!

Another gift from Chandler

Picture Chan made for me of him and I

Codey's heart he made me

Chandler's teapot he made in school for me

Codey's plant he brought home from school for me for Mother's Day

So this morning my boys woke me up w/ really sweet cards that they picked out, hubby gave me a really sweet card too and then they made a coupon for a free spa package of my choice!!! They must know me a little too well! I love massages, but the best gift of all is having my family! I told hubby how thankful I am for making me a mom and told the boys how special they are to me as without them I would not be a mom! We spent a wonderful day together and then all the boys (inc hubby) took me out to dinner to Black Angus. It was delicious...I had my favorite appetizer, fried zucchini, steak and topped it all off w/ chocolate cake w/ ice cream!!!

I love being a mom...I remember the day I found out I was pregnant w/ my first I was worried about everything, was he moving enough, would it be a healthy pregnancy, etc...and a friend of mine told me from this day forward you will worry for the rest of your life and she was right. The worry did not end w/ my pregnancy nor the day I delivered him...I worry everyday that he is safe and when I became pregnant w/ his brother the worry intensified b/c I had two beautiful sons to watch over now. I am sure when they are thirty and even forty I will still be worrying b/c that is just what mother's do! Having children has completed me and provided me a greater sense of fullfillment and purpose in life. They truly are a gift and I feel so blessed to be their mother!

Happy Mother's Day to all of you special mommy's! By the way, hubby will have his TESA procedure this week....we are one step closer to our princess (I hope!)

Life's Lessons

Do you ever have those days as a mom where you crawl into bed and think, "hmmm...just maybe I could have spent more time w/ my son/daughter or maybe I could have handled that situation earlier a bit different or maybe I should have not worried so much about cleaning the house and focused more on the children" all those "if's and maybe's" that tend to haunt us as mothers. Wanting to be the best mother possible, but then secretly wondering if you are doing all you can do, reading enough each night to your child, spending "quality" time together enough, teaching them more things, tucking them in bed every night...the list could go on. Then on the flipside there are nights I crawl into bed and think "wow, we had a great day!" I spent lots of time w/ the kids, we played, laughed, learned a few things, etc....those are the moments that my heart fills w/ joy and I think "I can and am doing this...I am a mom." Well, today was one of those days that as I put the boys down and thought...we had a great night together....it started like this:
Work was difficult today, my phone was ringing constantly w. phone calls for assistance w/ nursing home placements for family members that cannot care for their loved one anymore, nursing home transfers, arranging transportation to medical appts, discussing claim/financial benefits, etc....then I get a call that a patient would like to see me, he is new to Phx, impulsively jumped on a plane from another state to AZ w. little funds, poor judgement/insight, homelss, etc....So as I work w/ this patient I am able to assist in many ways providing assistance w/ shelter, bus tickets and even a phone card, (patient denied all other services including medical and/or mental health assistance) but this patient remains unhappy, feeling entitled to more than I am able to offer/provide, demanding to speak to a supervisor, becoming verbally loud and aggressive, needing multiple redirections to calm himself and refocus on the topics and the ways in which I am able to assist him. Although there was other underlying mental health issues, this patient was adimantly unappreciative of the effort I was providing to assist him in overcoming his unfortunate situation, but one that he chose for himself but refuses to take responsibility for. Upon the patient leaving I closed my door and felt a feeling of sadness...the only word that came to my mind was "Appreciation" I did not feel appreciated despite the multiple efforts I had made to assist this patient (most likely this patient was not ready for the help he really needed). It made me think about all the families and patients that have reached out to me over the years to say "thank you" and what that meant to me as a social worker, to feel that I made a difference, that I was appreciated...these comments are what makes me wake up in the morning and think, "this is why I am a social worker" but today was a much different day. I did not walk away feeling appreciated although I realize I did my best....so....I shared some of these feelings upon going home w/ my boys and we sat and had a long conversation about "appreciation" and what it means to appreciate and be appreciated. The boys were extremely engaged and as a mom is was an amazing feeling to watch my children learn these important life lessons, to learn compassion for others, to appreciate even the small things that often go unnoticed. Chandler gave an example of how he helps another boy in school a lot and this boy never thanks him and how his lack of appreciation saddens him. We talked about the many good people in our lives and the few not so good that we can only hope to be role models for in hopes that one day those people can learn to model some of these positive behaviors. Chandler said he was sorry that I had such a rough day and that my patient was not appreciative and said that he hoped I would have a better day tomorrow and hopes that my patients appreciate me tomorrow. It was so very sweet. I think I am on the right track....my boys are loving and compassionate, empathetic boys that I have no doubt will grow into wonderful young men and as a mom....I am PROUD of that ;)

An Update!!!

So I was able to get a hold of the urologists nurse this morning and she scheduled the TESA procedure for 5/13!!! The sperm will be frozen and then I will start my medications after my next cycle, most likely beginning of June. It is all so hard to believe that this is actually happening, we are one step closer!!! Prayers for lots of healthy female sperm!!! I get a brief feeling of excitement, but then I try to control these emotions as I do not want to be dissapointed although I know I will be regardless if this doesn't work...guess I am just trying to protect my feelings and emotions...trying not to allow myself to get too excited but it is so hard b/c this is all finally happening and I can't help but to think about how this may bring us to our daughter. Well, these next few months will be interesting to say the least, but hopefully one day very soon I can look back and say every bit of this was all worth it b/c my daughter will be on her way!!!! I believe positive thinking can make a big difference so when I find myself doubting that this could actually happen I immediatly focus on replacing those negative thoughts w/ more positive ones. I often teach cognitive behavioral techniques (CBT) to the patients telling them how important our automatic thoughts are and how by replacing those thoughts w/ more positive ones we can in turn change our feeling and behaviors...it is extremely powerful. I am a large advocate of CBT techniques and truly believe it has a lot to offer patients in treatment. Sometimes it is much easier to speak words of wisdom than to practice them yourself........

Ok, off to bed...had a very busy day at work today and am overdue for my sleep :)