The Waiting Game...

Hubby had his appt w/ the urologist which I have eagerly been waiting for yesterday, soonest they could get him in was a month later so I had been counting down the days until this appt. It is neccesary that he see a urologist as the urologist will be performing the TESA procedure. I cannot start the medications until his part is complete. We antcipated that they would be setting the exact date for this procedure, but the urologist said he would get back to us after checking w/ his nurse to identify avail times. Ugh!!! So, I contacted the fertility clinic to notify the IVF Coordinator and she said we will most likely have to wait another cycle/month. So, looks like for sure in June I will be cycling. I just want to get things moving along! I guess I was hopeful that the urologist would be able to do this sooner and feel a bit let down. I keep telling myself "better late than never."

I attended the IVF class yesterday too and it was fairly informative. I have done a lot of research on the topic so much of it I was familiar with, but it was still educational. I am very nervous to start the stimulating and the progesterone injections. Sounded like the progesterone one is the most difficult as it is an oil base and thicker to inject w/ a 1.5" needle and is intramuscular!!!! It also worries me that so much of this is about timing. For example, if we messed up on the timing of the trigger shot (right before egg retrieval) then you would most likely risk messing up your entire cycle thus far! It is a lot to take in and of course the nurse talked about the emotional side of things, how this may interfere w/ your relationship, your mood, etc...and to try and be prepared in advance for the changes you may experience. She also talked about the outcome, pregnant or not pregnant reporting the success rate of pregnancies to be 50%. If if not pregnant, although devastating, the physicians can learn a lot by one cycle and will attempt to troubleshoot the problem for the next cycle attempt.

When I start to become alittle overwhelmed and begin questioning this decision I read a positive story where it DID WORK and those stories give me a glimmer of hope that this just may be possible.

So for now, I will attempt to think positive and hopefully get a date scheduled sometime relatively soon for the TESA procedure. A suggestion that was provided during the IVF class: take things one day at a time rather than overwhelming oneself w/ the outcome. Just to think that just for today I will take my injection and that will be one step closer to possibly having our sweet daughter. This I need to remember!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHANDLER!!!

Introducing Chandler...my oldest son whom just celebrated b-day #8! I feel too young to have an eight year old already!!!! Pic by Jana

The famous Star Wars ice cream cake...YUM! Chandler LOVES ice cream ;) (or anything sweet for that matter!)

Chandler turns EIGHT!!!!!

Chandler's sixth birthday!

Chandler turns three! (Look at his sweet baby face) EVERYTHING was about Hulk...loved to talk about Hulk breaking our house down..."Hulk break house"

Chandler's first birthday!

My sweet Chandler turned eight yesterday. My brother, his wife and nephew came to visit on Sunday from Tucson, parents came over and we celebrated by going bowling (Chandler's pick of course!) I think I should have won a prize for the worst score, but I won't get started w/ that...Lol! We had a wonderful time and let's not forget the delicious ice cream (Star Wars) cake!! Chandler made out w/ gift certificates to the Lego store and made a trip to the mall on Monday to purchase two large Lego sets of his choice. He was beyond excited!! Just a note about my Chandler, he is my loving sweet boy always handing out kisses and hugs, asking mommy how her day went, wanting to be tucked in at night, and my very social boy...talk, talk, talk...and yet I was worried at one point that he was delayed in speech b/c he was not talking and later found out that he had fluid built up in his ears. He had tubes placed and took off from that point on....He is in second grade, playing baseball (1st time this year) and enjoys watching movies, cartoons and playing "battle" w/ his brother between their Star Wars Lego ships.

Where did my little bald headed baby go??? He dreams of being a race car driver...Mom's advice: Once you graduate college, you can be whatever you want to be. College comes first!

My mom once told me that you grieve the loss of your children as an infant, toddler etc...but at the same time you look forward to new experiences w/ your children at their present age. This could not be more truthful. I grieve my little Chandler, but love the big boy he has become and grown into.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHAN-CHAN!

Tossing & Turning...

Last night I could not sleep, I began reading about other blogs that discuss IVF, I read a very inspiring story about a woman who had two children from a previous marriage and her husband had four children from a previous marriage. The husband obtained a vasectomy and the wife a tubal ligation. They both felt content w/ their decisions and felt their family was complete. They adopted eachother's children from their previous marriages. Well, throughout time they changed their mind wanting to add another little one to their family so they pursued IVF and TESA (sperm aspiration) and it worked the first time! The woman had their beautiful baby boy several weeks ago!! Stories like these give me hope and inspiration so needless to say I tossed and turned in bed w/ constant thoughts of IVF and I remember feeling so much anxiety and fear and fast forwarding quickly through the process and right as I was about to wake up I remember looking at a pregnancy test and it was positive! I was so happy....so tonight I am tired, heading to bed early. HOPEFULLY THIS DREAM COMES TRUE!

I applied for my state licensure for SW, LCSW and found out today my application was approved. This is great news, but now I need to really put my energy into studying. Ugh! I think it may be good for me to really refocus my thoughts for a bit and spend less time perseverating on my fertility plans. Just like any pregnancy, adoption, etc....there are good stories and no so good stories and sometimes all the reading I think adds to my stress although I do find some of the stories inspiring. I need to take it one day at a time and think positive, focus on my test and hope for positive outcomes in the end for them both!!!!

Three Blogs & A Splash of PINK!

I think I have completed my first record of blogs in a day!!! Guess I have had a lot on my mind lately...not to mention the boys are occupying themselves giving me the opportunity to blog! A friend of mine is having a baby shower in 2 wks so I went shopping and OF COURSE I cannot leave a baby store without purchasing a little something of PINK! So here is my latest purchase and yes it was on the sale rack like most of my purchases so I cannot feel too bad about purchasing it. I think it is so cute! I must admit though that I am shopping less for girl clothes...I think I am scared and nervous the closer the date gets to doing IVF. I fully understand IVF is a risk, we could be investing a lot of money into something that we have nothing to show for...this is my fear so the closer the date gets the more I find myself buying less for baby. I pray this happens, but what if it doesn't??? My hubby reminds me one day at a time so I take a deep breathe and try to replace all my fears with hope and optimism.....we will give it all we have!

Summer Shoes

Flip flops are my life, I live in them! I would have posed in them but after losing my toenail a few wks ago I thought you could probably live without that little visual :) I LOVE open toed shoes...have I said that before??? I remember running around in my bare feet as a child, had the perfect summer job as a lifeguard, oh life was so simple back then...something about the feel of bare feet on the warm summer sidewalk or in the warm sand on a sunny day at the beach! Did you know I married barefoot on the beach in Maui? So... this is a pair of my latest purchase and although they do not look too comfy they are very comfortable!!! I figure some day I am going to pay for all these days of wearing shoes w/ little or no support but until that day I will keep on walking in my shoes!

Where's my sofa???

My boys have been diligently working on forts day in and day out for the past several weeks. At one point the forts took over our entire living room leaving the rest of the family searching to just find a seat in the room! With a little persuasion from mom and dad they have moved to the sitting/family room and this is what is looks like! YIKES! As I sit here typing this I can hear the boys arguing with eachother about where the pillows should go, where to put the secret passage tunnels, etc...at one point I heard Codey talking about throwing a blanket over the hamster cage until Chandler told him not too as the hamsters would have no room to breathe! All I can say is BOYS! Do your little monkeys build forts too, if so where, do they consume your house, do you let them have their fun????

Soccer Boy...

I am loving that my boys are both into sports! I love watching them practice and going to their games. Needless to say our Saturdays are packed full of games now! This is Codey's second season playing soccer and Chandler's first season playing baseball. Codey has also just joined Chandler's baseball team as well. Codey is just learning to even hit the ball...dad has been practicing w/ them which has been helping...

These are pics of Codey's last soccer game...he is doing great, really learning to control the ball! Can I officially be called a "soccer mom" now?? Lol! Of course I am always standing on the sidelines w/ my camera in tote ready to catch every moment!